Not Today (Poem)

depress

I need closure.

I need to know if I am right.

Right to stop feeling,

to stop being a burden,

to end it all and hear nothing,

to hear complete and utter silence.

Do you feel it?

That feeling when no sounds surround you,

when it feels like no one’s even there even when they are.

It’s peaceful but frightening.

It’s desired but unknown.

The only sound heard is the faint brush of my hands

against the pages as I write.

My breathing somehow goes unheard.

Why is that I suppose?

Maybe this is a sign,

or maybe it’s a sheer coincidence made to trick me

into believing this is the right choice.

I could go now.

I could make it easier for everyone and leave.

But could I overcome myself?

Would these trembling hands do it?

Yes, I tell myself, simply don’t feel.

Yes, I tell myself, no one will care.

Yes…but maybe not.

Maybe not today.

Maybe I will wait for the next traumatic event

that will provide me my last reason,

that will rip my soul into pieces.

The lifeless items that surround me,

they seem to be at peace.

They sit still with no regards,

no one to answer to,

no reason to be blamed.

If I am used as an object,

then I am surely one of them.

Because that is who I am, right?

Meaningless,

Selfish,

Egotistical,

Inferior,

Slut.

So blame me for feeling,

for feeling this way.

But I need to breathe,

to feel,

to be a part of something.

Because if not,

what use is it to continue?

To be able to live we need oxygen,

and pardon me,

today I need some.

Because,

I don’t want to die.

Not today.

 

 

Thank you for reading this poem I wrote. It’s amazing what can come out on paper once you completely let yourself go and use that creative freedom. Suicide is not an issue that should be overlooked. It has become the second leading cause for teenage death. Unfortunately, the media rarely sheds light on this issue, and with every second that it doesn’t, another person dies because they feel it’s the only option to stop feeling. Suicide should never be an option. Contact the national suicide prevention lifeline 1-800-273-8255 if you are ever feeling suicidal, are experiencing even some suicidal thoughts, or simply need to talk especially when no one in your home environment can’t or doesn’t want to talk. Also, make sure to check out the following websites if you are ever thinking about suicide to provide yourself with helpful resources:

afsp.org

sprc.org

suicide.org

 

Always remember, your life is valuable to so many people, even when it feels that isn’t possible. Give life another chance. Give yourself another chance to be happy. And especially remember that conversation is key to saving another individual’s life.

 


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